I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
