Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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