He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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