none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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