life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
