Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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