he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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