Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
