how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
