Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
