You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ketchup is God's man juice
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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