He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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