There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
zippers are such a cool invention
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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