I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He has the fingertips of a God
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