oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
