In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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