I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
operation harelip BJ is a go
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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