Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't deserve a penis
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
