I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
