plz talk dirty to me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
