Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
