i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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