you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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