he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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