I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
