We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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