considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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