Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize