Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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