I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize