There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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