Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
