why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
