WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
