Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
