Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
