plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
