Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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