She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
