Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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