summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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