He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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