I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
