I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
