They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
