I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
