mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
