No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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