apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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