i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
