I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
