somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
