i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
