she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
