By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
