the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
