nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
