I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
