I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Congratulations! We have a period
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