How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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