i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
