You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
