yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
