i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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