they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
