wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
