Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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